Music Television My Ass...

Well late last night I was working on my computer, the annoying chatter of whatever crappy TV show was driving my insane. I grab the clicker thinking a little music might be nice. I have cable with MTV , VH1,MTV2 and whatever else.
Anyhow, I hit MTV first. I have know that for some 10 years or so MTV (Music Television) has been anything but, having sold there rock souls for pretty people and corporate sponsors. But I figured it might be like that ugly girl back in high school, you know the one you only took out to places you wouldn't be seen together with, but just to avoid being alone you broke down and did it anyway. Yeah, so I figured, like ugly high school girl, MTV was embarrassed to be associated with the dirty little music video, the thing that's been kicked to the side by society and replaced with the prettier things in life such as Tila Tequila and those precious little sweet sixteener's . But alas, even at such late an hour as this, no music on MTV. Oddly enough there are more ugly high school girls (mostly wanting to be "MADE" into something not ugly) on the channel than music.

Perhaps VH1 may offer me some musical entertainment... Hmmm... No music to be heard but some semi nude models were bopping to the music(sticking with it for a sec), music stops camera pans to Ben Steins big ass head. Oh yes, I've stumbled upon the "Smartest Model Show" holy, freakin', A. You got to be shitting me. Now hey, I'm not here to say models are stupid and all that, really they have proven that fact over and over again, no need to beat a dead horse, or pump coke into its veins. We get it some people can be gorgeous and smart, but what the hell does this show have to do with music at all. Admittedly for me, VH1 has never been a real music station but I thought I might get lucky. It seems, after checking their schedule I would have to sit through crap like, Gotti's Way, Smart Models, Salt-n-Pepa, really Salt-n-Pepa and last but not least the beautiful the talented New York. I haven't seen somebody represent their race in such an outstanding, uplifting manner, since, well, since Pee-Wee's pee wee incident. New York is such a savior to her people. Years and years of oppression and degradation are wiped away with one obscenity laced sentence and big arsed sashay. So sum it up I would have to watch until Sunday to have any hopes of seeing some f'ing music on VH1. To correct myself, after looking at their schedule online they do play videos at 6 in the morning. Whatever.

The last thing I was going to try was MTV2. Now MTV2 was started for record labels that had big artist already making them millions but found that they had far more artists that couldn't sell water to a man whose teeth were on fire. Actually I will admit from time to time I've caught MTV2 playing in the commercial pond and playing some good artists, usually their B-sides and less no stuff, which I suppose is cool. But lets face it, how many bjork videos to you have to see before you write a station off as crap. Those who like Bjork I'm sure she's a great artists, her moans and squeals tug at all our heartstrings and draw the life force from us all. One thing I will say for MTV2 at least they still attempt to somewhat live up to their moniker and act like a music station, a music station with shit for taste, but music a music station none the less. For you supporters of MTV2 out there, you bunch of ragtag, beatniks... Just because you call something "eclectic" doesn't mean you should really be into it or that its something cool to be into. Eclectic is just a term made fashionable by record labels that had no other way to poetically describe the depths to which their music sucked.

Well what I suppose I'm trying to figure out is this. When did it become alright for television companies to totally fuck us over in regards to our beloved televisions and their content. How long will it be before I have to watch the cooking channel if I want to get the latest scores, or the travel channel to see tips for fixing up my home, or how long will I have to watch ABC to find anything at all worth a shit on their network. Come on, TV is supposed to be easy, you want sports bam, ESPN. You want crappy man hatin', women empowering programming, slap, your have lifetime. You want music, screw yourself. You'll have to settle for Tila and New York whoring around, Super smart models and more people hoping a music channel will get them "made" into something other than their pathetic selves. Hey, here's a novel idea MTV how about trying to get a video "Made" to air when people are actually watching your station. That's it, If I didn't need TV to stay alive I'd go all Elvis and put a bullet through the screen.

Ohh, Mrs. Tequila.,